OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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