I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
