Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You smell like stripper and shame
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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