Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
