nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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