I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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