I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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