ya dads aren't the best wingmen
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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