roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
