I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
