if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
