He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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