Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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