i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
