I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
where are my eyebrows?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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