Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
