I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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