My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
