Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
