fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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