sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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