omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
