I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
