she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Success! We fucked roommates!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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