hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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