remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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