and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
did i walk over a car last night?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
