she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
