I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize