Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
