it was like eating out sand paper
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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