ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
did i just pee glitter
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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