did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
