dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
