i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
