fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
