remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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