I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
