You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
