Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
