grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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