he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas