He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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