Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.

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  (516): Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city. http://tfl.nu/k96c
  Replies (14) Good night (1413) Bad night (727)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?

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  (337): I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex? http://tfl.nu/05zs
  Replies (27) Good night (6256) Bad night (891)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  Oh.My.God.

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  (405): So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid (1-405): Oh.My.God. http://tfl.nu/b4yo
  Replies (32) Good night (886) Bad night (3957)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.

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  (205): We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor. http://tfl.nu/xv4s
  Replies (12) Good night (1260) Bad night (5115)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw

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  (813): so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw http://tfl.nu/9zj1
  Replies (32) Good night (8427) Bad night (1189)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.

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  (+44): chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome. http://tfl.nu/vhpn
  Replies (21) Good night (6926) Bad night (1222)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?

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  (404): What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender? http://tfl.nu/bcp3
  Replies (4) Good night (1363) Bad night (2357)
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  (909): View more from California

  Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?

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  (909): Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person? http://tfl.nu/yet0
  Replies (8) Good night (4066) Bad night (1476)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter

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  (425): In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter http://tfl.nu/la90
  Replies (5) Good night (3119) Bad night (1170)
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  (760): View more from California

  I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?

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  (760): I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways? http://tfl.nu/qqdu
  Replies (12) Good night (4660) Bad night (777)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much

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  (509): Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much http://tfl.nu/alr8
  Replies (2) Good night (1201) Bad night (793)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.

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  (540): It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/uwnr
  Replies (0) Good night (643) Bad night (805)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.

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  (512): The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know. http://tfl.nu/ghx8
  Replies (1) Good night (757) Bad night (393)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.

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  (330): A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent. http://tfl.nu/mkyo
  Replies (4) Good night (614) Bad night (222)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar

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  (315): Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar http://tfl.nu/8deo
  Replies (0) Good night (255) Bad night (110)

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