i love accidental penises.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.