I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
