he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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