just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
