First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
