I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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