we're blogging at a bar
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
