I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
