The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
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Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
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I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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