happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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