She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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