I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
