Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
