I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
