How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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