Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
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my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
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We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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