he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
