Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
