So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
