I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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