Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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