So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
