I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
