i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
