If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize