shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
