I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize