i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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