I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm like, not good at living.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
