we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
