all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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