she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
