He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
